Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
