Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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