i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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