I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
worst night to have a conscience
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
