We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
