my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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