Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I die, sorry about rent.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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