Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
