Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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