Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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