i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
