Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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