mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
