Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
