Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
