Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
