You're my little dorito
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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