Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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