You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
