If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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