Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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