You're a womanizer and a bitch.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
