I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
