Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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