I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
