3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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