I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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