Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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