There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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