I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
