"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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