it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
