i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
