I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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