What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
