Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
