maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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