I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
