Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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