I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
