You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
