well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
