I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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