My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
