I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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