It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
