are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
