I wanna bring you to show and tell
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
