I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
