In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
