We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
