You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
