He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
