Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
