Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
