I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
