So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
