Someone shit on the floor
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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