I accidentally had phone sex last night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want nice things and good sex
I love you. Go after that dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
