i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
