She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm sobbing to NWA
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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