People in love make me want to vomit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
