do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
