the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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