You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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