I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
