life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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