a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
