I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
