so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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