Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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