My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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