PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
