First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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