he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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