About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
