The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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